Since the articles and comments on the site are really serious I thought I’d give you guys the chance to lighten the mood a little with a page to post political jokes. Feel free to post comments on amusing political things, real or not. David
Continue Reading Political Jokes
BNP Leader Nick Griffin To Undergo Facial Surgery
Leader of BNP, Nick Griffin, is to undergo facial correction surgery to level up the subsidence in his face.
The BNP leader has been looking more and more like he’s suffering from a stroke, as his face plummets on one side.
LSC, the London Scaffold Company, are to erect a tower up the left hand elevation of his boatrace in the hopes of firming up the ever descending jowls.
“My left eye is nearly level with my right nostril now,” said Griffin, “it really needs sorting.”
“I opted for a British firm to carry out the work, because you can’t trust the foreign fly-by-night face surgeons. For too long they have been putting the humble English lay abouts to shame, with their haphazard methods and midday siesta’s,” he continued.
The work is set to begin in late December and should be completed by mid-March. Taxpayers are assured they will not foot the bill.
“If I was a Conservative or Labour politician, then I’d obviously charge it to my expenses, but I’m an honest and level headed, if you’ll pardon the pun, man of means, so I’ll get my party supporters to pay instead,” he crooned.
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Make your own David Cameron poster
http://www.andybarefoot.com/politics/cameron.php
BNP Joke – BNP Leader Nick Griffin Closes Motorway
A small section of the M25 motorway was closed today due to a hazardous spill.
The tarmac from junction 15 to junction 16 was covered in fecal matter when Nick Griffin unexpectedly started talking shit.
He was travelling to a function in London when the incident occurred. His driver, Danny Chapstick, said “Nick was in the back of the motor and spotted some Polish builder’s on a site and started spouting about how they were all wasters and should be deported, he just kept going and going and getting more agitated.”
“Then, without warning, he just started gushing out loads of crap. Just gallons of unfounded, illogical shit about foreigners,” Chapstick continued.
The car doors couldn’t take it and the seals finally gave in. The crap, a mixture of horse shit and bull shit, spewed forth and began inconveniencing the passing motorists.
“By 11 am the road was impassable,” said PC Gallahad, attending officer, “we had to close the carriageway in both direction’s due to contamination issues. We have five fire crews on site as we speak, beginning the clean up operation. They are all wearing full safety equipment and hazardous spill response units have been deployed.”
Griffin made it to London in time for his speech. Witnesses said he was still mostly talking shit though.
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BNP Joke – Asian cleared of shouting abuse at Nick Griffin
Asian Tariq Phalid was yesterday cleared of shouting racial abuse at plump BNP leader Nick Griffin.
Mr Phalid, speaking through an interpreter told reporters that he had not abused Mr Griffin, but had actually shouted, ‘Get all these bloody sponging foreigners out, Nick, my mate.’ Mr Phalid’s interpreter, Ged ‘the spiv’ Wordsmith, said that his client had a very limited understanding of English, having only lived in the country for 30 years, and may have confused his words in the excitement of seeing his hero and role model.
“Mr Phalid did shout at Griffin,” said Mr ‘the spiv’, “but what might have meant to be ‘ Get all these bloody sponging foreigners out’, might have sounded vaguely like, ‘Nick Griffin, you fucking wanker.’
In his defence, Mr Phalid, in broken English, told out reporter. “I shouldn’t have done what I done, really.” But this came out sounding vaguely like. “You’re as big a fucking wanker as Nick Griffin.”
The rotund Nick Griffin was unavailable for comment, which sounded vaguely like, “FUCK off!”
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BNP Joke – Immigrants Rush To Join BNP
Following a change to its constitution the British National Party has been swamped with applications for membership from immigrants.
Recent arrivals to the UK have identified the BNP as the one party where they can truly make a difference.
In a few weeks time Nick Griffin will stand for re-election as leader against Mr Mohammad Abbassi, originally from Afghanistan.
If Mr Abbassi wins he believes that he will become Prime Minister within 5 years.
“The BNP is the party that has opened its doors to immigrants.
Membership had been small, but we have flooded in and created a true mass political movement.”
The BNP has seen many of its policies altered by its new membership. The party is in favour of no border controls whatsoever and no longer wants to send any foreigners back to their country of origin.
British people have responded by seeking forced emigration in a bid to escape and try to build a new life elsewhere.
It is not just one time right wing activists who are angry at these developments. Left wing protesters have little to demonstrate against.
One member of the Socialist Workers Party said “What do we want? A strong fascist party. When do we want it? Now!”
By trying to become a mainstream political party the BNP has cut its own throat.
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You’re joke stinks just like all the sweaty immigrants
i hope the bnp win the election to get people like you and people who shouldn’t be in this country out
How would you decide who is British. I’m sure that if people looked at even fairly recent family history then you’d be surprised to know that many “British” people have American.Irish and European relatives. Okay, we have immigrants. A small proportion of them aren’t working. We also have the “British” youth, I can assure you that a much larger proportion of them are not working. But the BNP won’t see any difference between the minority that doesn’t work and the majority that do work.
Moderator: Please don’t post under two or more user names Cat, Mike McGill, Aba london, John C, Jeremiah, Zordana, Andy, Ann Peddley, Jason, Claire, SC, Steve60. 13 names that’s a new low for a BNP supporter!!!
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To: Cat, Mike McGill, Aba london, John C, Jeremiah, Zordana, Andy, Ann Peddley, Jason, Claire, SC, Steve60 and Jason
I am a ‘British Youth’ and I have been looking for employment for months and months and I am no trouble maker and am well educated for my age. I’d like to say that it is self-important, prejudice people like you who stop people like me from getting a job becaused by the way you position yourself you seem to try to force your opinion uoon others. If you don’t have anything constructive to say then don’t say anything at all.
Thank-you
Kindly
Tazza
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The biggest joke of all would be David Cameron and George Osborne in power. Talk about the lunatics running the asylum
The grammatical and political ignorance radiating from this post astounds me! The BNP can’t win an election. They don’t have candidates running in enough constituencies to get a majority number of seats. I’d suggest you educate yourself before trying to make outlandish comments.
Also, “you’re” means “you are”. They have adult English classes you know. I love the irony that a mixed race woman with an immigrant father knows more about ‘your’ country’s language than you do.
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Here’s a couple of quotes: –
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
‘If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier’
interesting point. why would an atheist swear on the bible like it means anything to them. or even a muslim? maybe for equality purposes people of different religions or believes should be made to swear on their own “bible” IF i was religious i could happily swear and lie on a “bible” that does not belong to my beliefs/religion. To extreme religios fanatics could it act as a deterrant to lie in court in the publicity of others of their religion/beliefs
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Not a political joke, but still funny.
I’m going through my websites stats and earnings for last year and realised something funny.
My websites received over 5,000,000 visitors last year, over 5 times (some will be repeat visitors, so maybe 2-3 times) as many people saw my online content compared to how many people voted BNP in the European elections :-)
I have a classic literature site for example that received over 1,000,000 visitors.
Maybe I should start my own political party :-)
LOL
David
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Why not try it
Does that include the number of times you checked the website to see how many hits you had??
LOL, it’s visitors not hits.
Visitors are unique, hits are not and 1 visitor can account from 1 to dozens or hundreds of hits. As a webmaster I only look at visitor numbers, like this site gained over 100,000 visitors on election day and it crashed the dedicated server the site runs on (couldn’t handle the traffic)!
Take a look at the sites Alexa ranking for this week https://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/general-election-2010.co.uk
Alexa rankings are easy to manipulate, but not to this level. According to Alexa this site is in the top 20,000 sites on the Internet. No idea if it actually is in the two 20,000, but it is very popular.
David
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BNP in move to deport Doctor Who
At a news conference held at BNP head quarters-the 17th century- BNP leader Nick Griffin announced his parties plans to deport the Doctor if elected. The Doctor who is currently leading the UK opinion polls is originally from the planet Galiffrey which according to the BNP makes the Doctor an illegal asylum seeker.
“Basically, this Doctor fellow shows up on our shores pays no tax and the good working class British heros are supposed to tollerate this?” Griffin continues “the BNP is the only party who is willing to stand up and say its time to take our land back from immigrant Time Lords.”
In an on the street interview BNP supporter Anne Oldbiddy said “well I think its about time someone finally said it. I have never seen Doctor Who as it is on the Communist BBC but this Doctor chap should leave us alone. All I am saying is we never had his sort before the war.”
It’s ALL TRUE really it is, you can trust me, read the rest of the article for yourself you won’t believe how true it is,
Source: https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/uk/66278/bnp-in-move-to-deport-doctor-who
Well if the BNP can put out any old crap and claim it’s the gods honest truth guv why can’t I ?
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